


Enforced Equilibrium

by ParzivaI



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Despair, I love Shen so much ok, Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 15:56:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16098917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParzivaI/pseuds/ParzivaI
Summary: Shen found himself being unbalanced for a long time now. Finding out what made him feel this way, might break him forever.(Some deep Shenzed stuff I came up with)





	Enforced Equilibrium

“Shen... Do you think that someday I will finally fall out of love? Like you?”  
The moon was shining down brightly, it was a clear night. The air smelled so fresh, even though the temple of the Kinkou had become a place full of tragedy and sin since Zed and his acolytes had taken over. Shen felt the air blowing through his hair. He bit his lips as he lifted up his head to look his friend in the eyes for one last time.  
Zed's words have been burned into Shen's mind. And even today he can still hear the shadows voice cracking at the end, feel his heart and trust break as Shen just turned around without a word and left him alone in the dark. Zed had killed his father and many of his friends, betrayed his clan and family, even took over the temple of the Kinkou to create his own order of the shadows.  
Shen was pained at the thought of Zed, yet there was barely a moment he didn't think of him. His thoughts and deep feelings for his friend kept him up in the deepest of the night even though he tried everything to suppress them.  
He wanted nothing more than to be able to hate Zed for what he's done or even just forget him. Shen found himself struggling against the anger and hurt inside him for so so long, yet he couldn't just turn against his friend. 

Enforced Equilibrium. 

Shen exhaled.  
He knew he wasn't allowed to hate him. There was no room for unbalanced feelings as the eye of twilight. And as their was no room for hard feelings, there was also none for any other emotions. Shen was truly free of hate, love, anger and desire, free of any emotion or prejudice. But when he turned his back to Zed, Shen lost more than just his friend and lover. He felt like he was ripped off a part of himself.  
Even though he had never admitted it, not even to himself, Shen has never stopped loving Zed. Even now he could only think about the times they had before the order took over both of them. But becoming the eye of twilight has changed Shen. He was always thaught to hold his emotions inside him and after taking the role of his father, he became even colder, untouchable. He wasn't allowed to show any emotions at all, that's the price of being the bridge between two worlds. But truth be told, despite all he had learned, bewearing the balance the world needed, was destroying him on the inside. But for the sake of peace he accepted his fate without ever doubting.

Even after all that happened between Zed and Shen, despite their different morals and ideals, they became allies as their main goal was to keep Ionia save. Still, Zed remained the leader of his own clan of the shadows while Shen lead the remaining parts of the Kinkou. It was rather uncommon for them to actually run into each other.  
For a while it has been quite pieceful in Runeterra, even though everybody knew it was only a matter of time until one force collides with the other. Ionia though was mostly left out in these skirmishes since it was only the divergences between Noxus and Demacia that led into war.  
But as the Void grew deeper and the mist of the shadow Isles spread through Ionia, Shen has sensed the spirits going wild. He did everything he could to keep the balance, like he was supposed to be as the eye of twilight. But as the balance slowly faded and the mist thickened, Shen's acolytes began losing trust in his master. He has lost many friends, including his closest and best student Akali. But despite all, he never failed to keep his balance and thus keeping the lands in harmony. 

____________________________

Even though it has been a calm day, something felt off. Shen sensed his equilibrium feeling more unbalanced than ever before and even after meditating the whole day, it didn't feel any better. Something wasn't right, Shen was afraid to find out.  
Around midnight he was meditating in his quarters. He was alone, he was sure but the feeling of someone being around just wouldn't let go of him. And after a while he sensed footsteps, outside in the hall. They were coming closer.  
He turned around, reflexively summoning his spirit blade just to see a black figure tumbling into his room.  
“Shen… “, it stuttered and only hearing the shadows voice, even after so many years, made Shen's heart jump. But when he stood up and took a step forward, his eyes widened in shock.  
“Zed? What happened?”  
The Assassin dragged himself forward, trying to hold a heavy wound in his chest. He was covered in blood, groaning at every step he took.  
“Kayn... The Darkin…”, was the only thing Zed managed get out before he stumbled and fell on his knees. He coughed and some blood was running down his chin. Shen could barely notice it since Zed was still wearing his mask. It was damaged at some point but it was still there. Keeping them both even physically distanced from each other. It has been so long since Shen had last seen Zeds face. But he can still imagine his full brown eyes that were giving the most intense and passionate stare. His perfect jawline that made him so hard to forget. And how his pitch black hair always ended up falling in his face making him look even more handsome.  
How long it has been...  
As if he had read his mind, Zed reached for his mask to take it off. His hand was shaking heavily as he removed it and he breathed even heavier than before. But when he finally revealed his face it was Shen who had to gasp. Its been too long and only now Shen recognized how much he has missed him. His messy hair was longer, it was still falling in his face, but his eyes had shifted from the once so deep, warm brown into a rather red tone. His face was bruised and covered in some scars. Shen didn't care though, to him there was no sight more beautiful. He could see Zeds eyes twist in pain as he now reached out to Shen's face pulling down his mask with the last force he could bring together.  
It was the first time in forever for both of them to be unmasked. Shen felt weird, exposed and he wondered if Zed felt the same way. But that feeling didn't last long as he caught himself smiling at zed. Neither of them has said a word in a while but they didn't have to either. As if they've travelled back all the time before their responsibilities, the time before any order or war was important. It was only them, no great names no order of the kinkou or the shadows. Back then when nothing mattered but that they are together.  
Shen was brought back to reality as Zed coughed again, tensing up his body, while his eyes were shut, twisted in pain. When he kept his breath he started:  
"I knew it was only a matter of time until the weapon overpowers him. I know its over for me."  
Clenching his fists, Shen shut his eyes. He couldn't bear seeing Zeds face broken like this. The shadow assassin always represented strength and power maybe even arrogance but all that was gone now, leaving him empty and vulnerable before his friends eyes. Neither of them would've thought that it would come down like this.  
"I'm sorry Shen, for everything....”, Zed couldn't bear looking in his eyes.  
“I know you needed me back then, I know you needed a friend… I wasn't there for you because I was too ignorant."  
"Zed, it's not your fault."  
"It is. And believe me, there is nothing in my life I regret more than that."  
Zed reached out his hand to Shen's face. He brushed over his cheek slightly before taking his face, forcing him to look into Zed's eyes.  
"It's been too long Shen, I've never had the opportunity to tell you, I... missed you.", Zed managed to get out and Shen knew how hard it was for him to actually admit that. He felt his emotions that he had kept down almost perfectly slowly coming up as he took Zed's hand into his own. Feeling Zed's cold hand brought back so many memories Shen had suppressed. And they hurt, these memories hurt more than any blade or any knife physically ever could. It has been a while for Shen to experience pain in either way, physical or emotional but it hit him hard. And he wasn't prepared for all the feelings that were rushing trough him as he held Zed's hand. 

"Don't leave me. I don't know where I am without you. I always thought I was found, in peace with myself. For heavens sake, I'm the eye of twilight I have to be! But now I think that I was mislead the whole time... I lost everyone I held dear and pretend that it meant nothing, please Zed... I cant loose you, too."  
He did his best to sound as stable as possible, but he could hear his own voice break as he spoke these words.  
Why was he allowing such things to happen in the first place? He can't. Shen swore to keep himself in balance and he had managed to do so for so long. He had lost everything with the fall of the kinkou and the betrayal of Zed. Even though he had rebuilt his clan and found peace, Shen just realised that he never truly was in balance. And it wasn't because of the equilibrium of the world being heavily unbalanced, it was his own. He had never truly overcome the pain Zed has put him through, neither had he lost his feelings for the shadow assassin..  
But was holding onto these memories what make him weak or was it the fact, that he never truly faced them? Shen didn't know.  
His lips were shivering and again he just wanted to look away from Zed, because he actually felt his eyes filling with tears. 

"Don't lose your balance old friend. You're a great master and an even greater ninja. I know you're going to bring true piece to Runeterra."  
"Don't leave me, Zed, I...", Shen stopped. Even after all he couldn't. He couldn't just let his emotions take over him. As if a barrier was there keeping him shut. He looked at Zed with a helping face as a single tear slowly ran down his cheek. Zed smiled through the pain.  
"I know.", he said, as he slowly closed his eyes. Shen could feel his body tense one last time before Zed let out his last breath. His grip on Shen's hand loosened and Shen knew that it was too late. It was over and he never got to tell him... "I love you.", he then whispered silently, heard by noone but himself.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked my little headcanon-turned-into-something. I just need more Shenzed in my life and someone who gives Shen some love cause after all that happened to him, he really deserves it (yeah I'm looking at you Akali, I hate you so much).  
> Anyway hope you enjoyed it. Leave a comment and let me know what you think. As always, keep it up fellas, thx for reading!


End file.
